Advice from one slave to his
1. Until you agree to submit, you are in control
of what you do. Every Man you come across who says He is a Master deserves
appropriate respect and deference. But simply because He says He is a
Master does not mean you owe Him submission. Your submission is a
gift. You choose Who to give it to. And until you choose to give it to a
Man, you remain in control and should exercise that control but always
with respect and deference.
2. Never meet a Master for a session of service or s/m
play before first meeting to talk. Remember what they say about bars? That
the closer to closing time it gets, the better everyone looks? Keep this
in mind also when you’re online. Everyone can look good online.
Everyone can say the right things, type the proper words. Enjoy
cyber but know it is only cyber until you meet.
If you have spent extensive time with Him online or on the phone and
feel okay with Him, you might consider that to be the meeting. But it
still remains best to meet first in person preferably in a
neutral place, like a restaurant. Show Him respect and deference, but
until you choose to submit, you remain in control of yourself even
if you are at His place. Until you choose to give Him this control, His
requests for you to undress, sit on the floor, or whatever, no matter the
tone in His voice, are merely requests, not orders, until you accept them
3. It is best not to plan or expect a session at this first
meeting. Let it be just a meeting to find out if the two of you click and
want to continue. This is a good test of the sincerity of the Master.
Almost all will tell you They want an ongoing thing. If this is true, and
if They really want you, then there is no hurry. You can meet first . . .
and plan to have the session the next day, if you want.
4. Be totally and completely honest with potential Masters about
what you seek, what your experience level is, what you fear, what you
crave, and what your limits are. Your ego and your desire to not
disappoint a potential Master may make you want to exaggerate. But it does
no one any good if you tell a Master you can take a bullwhip when you have
never even been flogged hard.
A good Master is not as concerned with how intensely you can play as
with whether you genuinely want to play. Good Masters are looking
for reactions and potential for growth. If They get a good reaction out of
a slow, light flogging, They are as satisfied as when They get a good
reaction out of a full-force bullwhipping. Well, maybe not as
satisfied, but satisfied enough!
And never say you can take anything. You may find your
forehead branded before the night is out.
5. Be totally honest with yourself about what you seek. There is
an undercurrent in the leather community that a hierarchy exists among
submissives. According to this common wisdom, it is better to be 24/7
than part time, it is better to be a slave than a boy, and so on. Don’t
fall into this trap.
What is best for you is whatever meets your specific desires and needs.
To be a man who submits only in sessions because this is all he needs is
as valid and as good as being a man who submits to the complete control of
a Master on a 24/7 basis because that is what he needs. Don’t let anyone,
fellow submissive or Master, try to make you into something you do not
need or want to be.
6. Follow your gut feeling about the Master. Even if your head
cannot come up with specific reasons not to trust the Man, if your gut is
sending up any sort of red flags, listen to it. If you find you are
talking yourself into submission to a specific Master, then He is not the
One for you. At the same time, learn to recognize the difference between
fear of giving up control, which is good and exciting, and uncertainty
about a particular Man’s trustworthiness. Most of the Men you meet will be
trustworthy and not a problem. But a few will not be.
7. When you meet with the Master, do as much interviewing as He
does but do it respectfully, of course. What are you trying to find out
about Him? Several things. Does He respect you as a man? Does He respect
you as a slave? Will He respect your limits? Does He understand your level
of experience, and will He work with it? Does He have experience or skills
in the type of activity He wants to do, or is He just off on some fantasy
trip? Do you like this Man as a person?
And, not unimportant, do you find this Man attractive either
physically, personally, or because He has something to teach You? (Not
every Master has to be a physical fantasy trip. Some may not be but are
still well worth submitting to because you will learn a lot and They can
give you exactly what you need.)
8. One major thing to look for is whether the Master is
concerned about your needs and desires, about what you want to get out of
this. If there is little discussion about your needs if all the talk is
about His needs He is probably not the Man you want for a long-term
situation, though He may be great for a quick session focused totally and
completely on His desires. If you pick a Man like this to submit to,
realize that you will probably need to take care of your own emotional and
physical satisfaction. He is not going to give it to you.
9. Never go to a first meeting or session (or even a second or
third) thinking that this Master may be good for a long-term relationship
or for total control outside of when You are together. You are very likely
to find yourself hurt and disappointed if you do. Full or 24/7 control
develops over a long period of time it is not created out of thin air.
10. When considering a Master for long-term or total control
outside of sessions, look at the total Man. You are going to spend a lot
of time with this Man outside of sessions. Do you like Him that
much? Can you deal with all His idiosyncrasies, bad habits, insecurities,
and personal baggage on a continuing basis? And if you think He doesn’t
have any of that stuff, then you have just not seen it. And if you
have not seen it, then you do not know Him well enough for such a
11. Limits. Have two sets: temporary ones, which you decide when
to lift, and permanent ones, which always remain in place. You need to
decide what belongs in each set. To help you understand the difference,
here are the limits i used to use and still do if my Master wants me to
hunt for outside experiences:
Permanent Safe sex. No scat. No blood. No drugs. Nothing
illegal. No permanent damage physically, professionally, personally, or
Temporary Meet first. No total bondage; either legs or arms
must be free at all times. (Yes, I want to be able to kick Him in the
balls if I need to or fight back some other way.) No blindfolds. No
gags. Safeword. (We’ll talk about safewords below.)
You are the one who drops these temporary limits one at a time or
all together as you get comfortable and feel you can trust the Man. You
may even decide to drop them in the first session. But use your
head, and listen to your gut, in deciding when to drop them, not
your cock. If you are still not comfortable enough by the third session
with a Master to drop any of your temporary limits, you probably don’t
trust Him enough and shouldn’t see Him again.
(Having said all this, i must add that all limits, even permanent ones,
go away if you are owned and owned for a long time! Once the
trust is total, there is no need for any limits. But you still
choose when the permanent ones go away, not your Master.)
12. Try to get references on a particular Master before you
commit to any sort of a session. Leather clubs and organizations are good
for this, as are friends and people you talk to online. A good reference
from another bottom is better than any sort of assurance from the Master
What to do if you get a bad reference? Don’t automatically reject the
Master. Find out why the reference is bad. It could easily be that the two
men simply did not click, or that the Master’s interests did not
correspond with the slave’s. This can happen between any two men and is
not a sign that either one is untrustworthy or bad in some way. A
disregard for safewords, however, or otherwise ignoring limits are good
reasons to call it off.
13. When you have your first session with a Master, no matter
how well you think you have gotten to know Him, you need to protect
yourself in case you have made a bad judgment call. There are many ways to
do this. One of the most common is to tell a friend where you are going,
the Master’s name, and the address and phone number of where you will be,
assuming you have these. Give your friend a time when you will call him to
verify that you are okay. Tell him that if he does not hear from you by
that time, he should take action to find you.
Make sure, though, that you give enough leeway in the timing so that
the Master does not have cops knocking down His door because you thought
the session would end at midnight and He was just getting going at that
point! Also, make sure you do call the friend if you are all right, even
if it is from the Master’s home. Let the Master know you have made this
arrangement and when your friend is expecting to hear from you. A good
Master will not be offended and will make sure you can place the
14. Safewords. Everyone talks about them. Almost every Master
says He will respect them. But do not assume that because a Man
says He will respect them that He will do so in the heat of
a session. Respecting safewords is an easy promise to make and an even
easier one to break. Accepting a Master’s assurance that He will respect a
safeword is like assuming the white line in the street will automatically
stop every car the moment you walk into the crosswalk. Most Masters do
respect safewords, but some do not. Build some trust in a Master first
before accepting His assurances at face value.
Here’s a test you can use in the first couple of sessions. When you’re
in a difficult position or undergoing some heavy action, make noises
indicating it is getting very hard to take and that you need something
changed. See what He does. An immediate response from Him is not necessary
He may want to see how far you can go. But a timely response to
your distress should be forthcoming. If it is not, don’t assume He will
listen to a safe word.
15. When you are talking with a Master online or meeting Him in
a bar or elsewhere for the first time, know that you are both doing a
seduction dance with each other. And if you both play your roles
correctly, you will both get turned on.
Being seduced and turned on is a good thing, but recognize it for what
it is. You are both looking for the buttons that the other reacts to, and
once you find them, you are both pushing them to get the reactions you
want He in taking control and you in submitting. But seduction is not
real life, just a part of it. Wait until you get to know the Man in real
life before deciding He is the One you really want to submit to.
16. Play the field. You’ll need to kiss a lot of frogs before
finding your Prince. One mistake many slaves especially those who are
just coming out make is to jump into serving a single Master
exclusively and totally before they have figured out what it is they want
and need. Resist this temptation, no matter how hard your dick gets or how
fast your heart beats when you first hear a Master speak the words you
have only heard in your fantasies before.
Any Master worth His salt is going to be able to get you excited and
eager to serve. That doesn’t necessarily mean He is the one to latch onto
full time. It just means that while You were together, you clicked. Get
lots of experience. Compare the styles and characters of many Masters.
Learn from each of them. Learn about Masters and, more important, about
yourself and what it is you really seek from your submission. Once you
have learned enough, especially about your own needs, then you can
consider Someone as a full-time Master.
17. Recognize that a Master without a boy is often as desperate
as a boy without a Master. They, too, are human, and They like to have
someone They can depend on to play with and be with anytime They want.
Plus, Masters generally have good-size egos and like to be able to impress
other Masters by saying, I own a boy or more than one.
Because of this, you may get a lot of pressure to make a full-time
commitment or to go into full-time training at an early stage of your
acquaintance with a Master. Resist this. Do not do it until you are sure
that He is the Man you want in this role. Indeed, one sign of a
really good Master is that He may offer you a position with Him without
pressuring you in any way to make a quick decision. Such a Man understands
how tentative and unsure of themselves many unowned slaves are and has
enough confidence in Himself not to need a trophy.
18. Do not assume that in the early stages of getting to know a
Master that He will feel the same toward you as you feel toward Him. It is
very hard for a male to open himself up and become vulnerable to someone
else, but this is exactly what we slaves do when we submit to a Master.
Doing so provides an amazing sense of relief and satisfaction, and we feel
a strong bond with the Man Who has seen us become so open and vulnerable.
We feel close to Him and want to be with Him.
But, at least in an early session, the Master does not do the same: He
does not lay Himself bare to you just because He plays with you. While He
may like you, may have enjoyed the session, and may want to see you again,
don’t assume He is feeling the same strong bond with you that you feel
with Him. Over time, if you and He develop an ongoing relationship, He
will feel this way. But not at first.
19. Do not mistake this bond you are feeling for love. This is
why so many slaves decide, after only a couple of weeks, that they have
found the Master they have sought for so long. Then they are hurt and
disappointed when, a few weeks later, it doesn’t work out. Don’t make this
Since it is seldom that any of us experience real love in life, we may
not know what love really feels like even though we seek it so
desperately. As noted above, once you have laid yourself bare in a
session, given that much control and submission to another Man, you are
going to feel very close to Him. But this is not love. It is simply
openness and a bond beginning to form. Enjoy the bond. But remember that
real love means you know the Man well not just the Master but the whole
Man and that you accept Him for what He is, warts and all.
20. Finally, remember that this is all supposed to be fun and
satisfying. If it is not, if you find that the Master is causing you to be
upset, worried, guilty, whatever if you are not having fun or
being satisfied then don’t play with Him. Find someone else. Too many
boys take this all much too seriously and never really enjoy the hunt,
never really enjoy the sex, never really enjoy the submission, never
really enjoy being conquered by a Master, never really enjoy any of it.
They work too hard and are too desperate.
Go out, enjoy, and have fun. It’s the only reason to do this.
Prepared by the slave, coyote, under orders from his Master,
Control, and based on the training his Master has given him. © 2000 by
coyote (Mstrscoyte@aol.com); all rights reserved.